One Rude Little Awakening

We're just returning from my nephew's birthday party (I only had pizza and cake and turned down every drink – and there was wine).

It was my 40th birthday a few weeks ago, and my sister gave me my belated birthday gift. A gift card for the liquor store, and this:

Yep. That's a flask that says "Alcohol is just awesome water".

With a gift card for the liquor store, to fill it up! My sister barely drinks – no one in my family really does. My father was a heavy drinker, my uncle was definitely an alcoholic. And of course, yours truly.

Both of them are dead now.

I'm still here. 

It's a rude little awakening for me. Not a surprise, but an awakening to add to my list of recent awakenings. A year ago, I would've thought this was the best gift ever.

And in a way, it is.

It's the gift of another reminder that I don't want to be like this. Or for people to think of me as though alcohol and a vessel to carry it in would be the perfect gift for me. 20+ years of demonstrating to people that it's what I want – how can I blame them?

It's not her fault. I haven't spoken to my immediate family about where I'm at, or that I'm even on this journey. I'm trying to be as anonymous as possible with them. Because, well, family. I know they'd be supportive, and would never give me something like this if they knew it was the opposite of what I want and need right now.

The only ones who know about any of this are Hubs, my doctor, 3 close friends, and all of you.

Maybe I'll use it at the gym. Filled with a protein shake or something.

Should make for some interesting reactions.