What's Your Word?
While watching the breathtakingly heartbreaking film ‘Spoiler Alert’ the other day, I was struck by one question a character asked another.
“What’s your word?”
At first glance it doesn’t look like much a question, but here’s the rub: if you can only pick one word to describe your life thus far, or overall for your entire life until you die – what would it be? And to make things more complicated: Why?
No phrases. No sentences.
Just. One. Word
Admittedly, I couldn’t stop thinking about this, jotting down words that came to me over the next few days. Being a bit of a word-geek, I came up with a not-surprisingly very long list. But, I didn’t want to just settle on one random word and in turn, try to give it meaning somehow.
No – I wanted to figure out the word.
I settled on: SURPRISING.
sur·pris·ing
/sə(r)ˈprīziNG/
adjective: surprising
1. causing surprise; unexpected: "a surprising sequence of events"
sur·prise
/sə(r)ˈprīz/
verb: gerund or present participle: surprising
1. (of something unexpected) cause (someone) to feel mild astonishment or shock.
Don’t worry. I had to look up what ‘gerund’ meant, too. (It's a form of grammar that is derived from a verb but that functions as a noun, in English ending in -ing, e.g., asking in do you mind my asking you?) #TheMoreYouKnow.
Before I chose this surprising-in-itself word, I toyed with other words like perseverance, guided, opportunity, lucky, learning, generous, gratitude, patient, creative, random, adventure, and of course - rollercoaster. The list goes on and I REALLY would love for you to do the same little exercise - and share your word and thoughts below in the comments! It will be amazing to see some of the responses, and in turn, help to give context to (and perspective on) the vast and varied kaleidoscope of people, lives, personalities, cultures, traditions, hardships, successes and stories that we all take for granted that other people see or define their lives as.
I promise you’ll enjoy the process.
It’s sometimes hard to remember other people have different stories, as unique and often troubled, challenging, joy-filled, and surprising, as your own.
I think the element of surprise is honestly the best and most thrilling part of being alive. It’s also sometimes really inconvenient – and a lot of things are (but don’t have to be, if you can step back and see it with a different perspective, in context with the bigger, endless web of your life). There’s usually another reason those surprises pop up in your life – and by definition, at the most curious of times. I always strive to turn every situation upside-down and look at it from another, more empathic (towards myself, the situation, and all parties involved) perspective.
That’s easier than standing on my head (though if this is one of your hidden skills, by all means, stand on your head and mull things over on occasion. You’ll be so distracted by the fact you’re now seeing the world upside down, you may stop long enough to find a new way of looking at a situation, once all the blood rushes to your head).
Ya, kid. I feel that.
Here you are, minding your own business, being all busy like we are all so very good at doing, and out of the blue, along comes life and knocks you flat off your feet. Usually with a sharp smack to the head.
To wake you up.
It’s not always bad – and I really mean that. The unexpected is what gives life meaning, direction, cause, purpose, excitement.
Joy.
Some of the best, most thrilling times of my life have arrived not only through struggle, but as a result of the universe delivering me exactly what I needed – but usually wasn’t paying attention to. Like how I found my husband on Instagram of all places (well, he found me) after I had promised myself I did not want a relationship. But here we are, and I wouldn’t change a thing. (He got my attention by telling me my dogs were cute).
Not unlike the human body, if you don’t take care of it, it’ll take matters into its own hands, and you’ll have no other choice but to take care of it. To pay attention. To deal with it.
To confess you have work to do.
Life does the exact same thing. Humans, by nature, usually don’t pick up on subtleties – especially when they’re coming in the form of signs and accidents, total redirections in your life, tragedy, illness, birth, death, winning, thriving and failing. We’re all busy, right? Especially when something comes along that I don’t want to deal with – it’s amazing how quickly I can bullshit my long list of justifications into a steaming pile of excuses.
The trick, I’m learning, is in the paying attention when I catch myself doing it.
Calling myself out for doing it again.
When you were planning on something entirely different in your life (y’know, because life always happens when you’re busy making other plans) – it’s easy to not pay attention to the little cues we’re given every day. Or, more likely, to just put off doing the work, ignoring it, and adding it to the likely towering and teetering mountain of all your procrastinations.
Procrastinations, because you feel you don’t have the time, you don’t have the strength, or you’re simply just too damned afraid of doing it. Or, also very likely – you’re just tired.
I personally have a deep-rooted fear of failure (insert facepalm here). I admit this, I struggle with it constantly, and I know that it has prevented me countless times from succeeding, from excelling, from thriving – and most importantly, from reaching goals and aspirations I still hold dear in my soul, that I know would only bring me pure joy. At least in the having finally accomplished it – no matter what timeline I did it on.
I struggle with this. Every. Single. Day
So, back to what ‘surprising’ means to me.
I slept on it. I mulled it over. Because it’s who I am – I made lists. Whatever/however your process is, just go with it. You may already know without having to think about it, but if you’re anything like me, you have to look at all the possible options and weigh which ones make the most sense (even though it’s often the more difficult one to explain).
But it felt right.
The English language has no lack of words to choose from.
Find yours.
I never in a million years could have planned the life I’ve led, so far. I never would have imagined I’d be featured on The Today Show or ABC World News with Diane Sawyer. I had no clue I was going to become a professional photographer for 14 years of my life.
I went to friggin’ art school, for Christ’s sake – to study drawing and painting.
None of that was ever on my radar. It all showed up as a glorious surprise, followed by another, and another, and another.
That very big chapter of my life was one of the most surprising and rewarding chapters – up until now. There’s no way I would have embarked on that journey if I’d had planned for it. And, in turn, it has opened the gates to so many other delightful surprises in this supernova of coincidences and connections, all intertwined and giving me life and purpose
I never could have planned that I’d trip and fall and break my collarbone, and struggle to rebuild my entire world and career in the shadow of a divorce, relocating homes – for the 19th time in my life (I know, I know – I’m a nomad) – finding the love of my life when I definitely was not looking, or ending up married in my favourite, most homey-home-that-feels-like-home yet – with my best friend. This struggle pushed me to finding new work to ends meet, I’ve met some of the most wonderful people I would likely never have met otherwise, and in hindsight, it was exactly what I needed for a revived sense of purpose.
Not surprisingly, embracing all of this and leaning in to surprises when they arrive helps me extraordinarily at being less tired.
It gives me life.
Plus, the words of praise I occasionally get in my work now hits on that dopamine hit / need for approval / love language that guides a lot of my life.
I never would have predicted losing so many loved ones in such a period of time – from illness, suicide, struggle, losing touch, or so many countless other causes. These are the hardest surprises to come to terms with and find meaning in. Grief is a tough one, and we all process it differently, in our own time, in our own way.
What’s important is that you process it and come to find meaning in it, no matter low long that takes, or how you do it.
All that sudden loss gave me a newfound appreciate for those close to me. My family, and my friends, and it continues to bring me closer to life’s most meaningful purpose.
To love, and be loved in return.
Actually, to allow myself to love, and be loved in return.
So, to wrap things up, because I could go on for days about the millions of times life has surprised me in the most wonderful ways, if I just pause long enough to see the triumph in the struggle, without these surprises – life would be horribly depressing, boring and senseless.
Surprises are an opportunity to find beautiful purpose when it’s usually dressed up as a clown - and a lot of the time, that clown ain’t funny.
It’s a chance to put yourself into the bigger picture of how intertwined we all are, and in that sense of purpose, it gives you so many wonderful reasons to be alive, and to give back.
To be a delightful surprise in someone else’s life.
So, what’s your word? Let me (and others!) know in the comments below! 👇
Surprise me.
I hope the rest of my life never ceases continuing to surprise me.
Monday Inspiration
This post is part of a weekly collection I will continue to post on Monday’s, posing a question, thought, reflection, or something to think about today and in the week coming!
PS: I highly recommend you watch this movie.
And, grab the tissues.
Banner photo ©Noelle Buske.
A dude who thinks, bakes, writes, learns, and teaches. And I make a LOT of sourdough.
Shawn Van Daele / SJ Van Dee
